FTLM Days 13 through 15

Coleen- For those of you who do not know me, Coleen is my birth fathers wife, making her my Step Mother. Coleen is so good to my dad. When we found each other, she was supportive of our decision to stay in each others lives. I love Coleen more than I let on. It is impossible not to. She is so beautiful and is so kind. I cannot imagine my dad having a better wife. I hope to be able to establish a closer relationship with her.
Uncle Mike- I have not met my Uncle Mike. I simply wanted to say what a great man he is. I can not wait to meet him and get to know him. He has been so great and so wonderful. My sister and father talk highly of him.
Uncle Kevin- My Uncle Kevin is a very special person. He has a special nickname for me. That nickname is Sweetness. I will not let anyone else call me by that name. I have always had a strong relationship with my Uncle Kevin. He was in the Navy and I didn't get to see him very often as a child. This made the times he was there very special. He would always bring my brother and I something small when he came home. He would make Mexican Lasagna and play with us. He would watch the movies we wanted. My Uncle Kevin was a super hero in my eyes. He is a great man and I am so very lucky to have him in my life.

FTLM days 9 through 12

I have some exciting news! I finally got my own car. I am so happy about this. I am so sorry that I am posting in chunkd like this for Feel The Love Month. Midterms kicked my butt this week. I have one more that I will do tomorrow. Here are the four friends that I want to mention for days 9 through 12.
Kate Hanna- Kate is very special to me. She is more than a friend. She took me in when I was going through a rough patch. She allows us to have playdates with our dog and hers (when we both aren't busy of course) Kate has been there for me from day one of my diagnosis with depression. She has helped me get through all the hard times, and is still there on a whim if I need someone to talk to. She is always very supportive of my dreams and achievements, and she always knows how to make me feel better when I fail. There aren't enough words to describe the love that Kate generates naturally. Just being around her would make anyone smile.
Danielle McLane- Danielle is one of my friends from back home. I am not sure how I met her. I simply remember seeing her at church and just being able to say anything to her. Danielle is assistant manager of the Humble Bee Facebook page and the Humble Bee blog. She has been super helpful and has been such a great friend to me. She has taught me that beauty is more than your apperance. That was a lesson that I needed. She is such a beautiful person and spirit. I always feel comfortable around her.
Corrine- Corrine is my sister in law. She is married to my husbands oldest brother. Corrine has such a happy demeanor. She can make anything seem funny. Being married to a Johnston herself, she and my other sisters in law knew exactly what kind of advice to give me when I got married. Corrine is the type of person that can see the good in just about anything. I know she doesn't always feel beautiful, but she is. I am so envious of her beautiful hair and eyes. She is one of those people that just makes everything seem prettier.
Cindi- Cindi has been like a mother to me. She took me under her wing when I first moved here. She helped make me feel more at home by helping me keep traditions from my own family. At Christmas time, we try to get together to bake cookies. We always bake three or four different kinds by recipe, and then we invent one or two. Cindi has such a joyous spirit. She is very uplifting. It is almost impossible to feel sad or upset around her. When I broke my leg, she came over as often as she could just so I could have someone to talk to. I will never be able to thank her enough for this.
These four women are very beautiful people who are family to me. They have seen me struggle and fall. They have seen me succeed. They have seen me at my best and my worst. Even so, they love me and support me. I can not thank God enough for these four women.

FTLM days 3 through 8

Today I am making up for five days of Feel The Love Month. I am sorry that I have not been on to post. My husband ran his 10 miler this weekend. I am listening to my ankle and taking one more day off of running to let it heal from being rammed by a stroller several times. The first person I would like to talk about is my biological father, Charles.
Dad- My dad's birthday was this past week. I am happy to be able to celebrate his birthday with him very soon. He was out of town with his wife for his birthday, so we will get together soon. I am very lucky to have him in my life. When I went searching for him Halloween of last year, I wasn't sure what I would find. I am very happy that I have been able to reconnect with him. He is way more than I could have imagined. He and my stepmother have been so wonderful. I am so glad that he excepted me back into his life. Now that I know him, I couldn't imagine my life without him. He is a great dad, and I can't wait to spend several more years knowing him.
Mom- My adoptive mother, Ruth, is an amazing women. She never once tried to hide the fact that I was adopted. In fact, she was very happy for me when I found my birth father. My mom raised me religiously. I grew up knowing that I am a daughter of God and that I am very loved. My mom and I butted heads a lot. We are both very stubborn and set in our ways. I wouldn't say I was a difficult child or teen. I simply had a mouth and I was not afraid to object to something that I felt was unfair. A lot of times my mom and I would have to walk away from each other so that we could think about the points that we each made. We always came back and worked things out. I still call her every Sunday to talk. She still supports my ambitions. My mom has always been a great mom and I could not have asked for better. She sat up with me when I was sick. She laid in my bed when I was in so much pain from female issues and just held me while I cried. She stayed home from work when I had the measles to make sure I had what I needed. She would take me to the mall just so we could hang out. She came down for a week when I broke my leg to help me out.She is a great mom. She is the reason I am the person I am today.
Daddy- When I say Daddy, I am talking of course of James, my adoptive father. I have always been a daddies girl. I am lucky that I now have two dads, but my daddy kissed my booboos and held me as I cried over my first crush and first fight with my best friend. When I had nightmares, he would let me snuggle in next to him. My senior year, I got sick enough to go to the hospital. My daddy held my hair when I threw up and yelled at the nurses who just didn't understand how sick I was. He ran with me in his arms into the hospital and made sure I got back right away. I will never be able to repay him for the things that he or my mom sacrificed to make sure that I was safe and happy. I owe them so much, but I know that they do not see it that way.
Echo- My sister in law Echo, was the first Sister in law I met when Brian and I got engaged. She has been such a great sister. She has been there for me these past few years. She has helped me through some major situations and has been honest with me no matter how hard it was for me to hear. I only wish she lived closer so that we could spend more time together. She has been an inspiration to me and does not judge me based on my image. She sees me for who I really am, and it is really nice to have that in my life.
Dawn- Dawn has become one of my best friends. She started out as my employer nearly two years ago. I started watching her little princess in January of 2012. She has shone me that I do not have to be perfect for people to accept me. It's perfectly fine for me to be me. She taught me that my past does not define me and that not all people will see only my depression. She is one of the only people who saw ME. She took the time to get to know me. She talked to me. She helped me. She even listened and gave me plenty of hugs when my aunt and I found my brothers obituary. She took the time to see me and to learn about me. She became more than just my employer, she became part of my family. Words cannot express how thankful I am to her for everything she has done for me. I have the job I have now because of her recommendation. I will be forever grateful for the chance she gave to me. She didn't even know me when she hired me as her babysitter. She was going off of a recommendation of a mutual friend. I am so very grateful that this mutual friend pointed us towards each other.

I promise that I will be better about updating this month :)

FTLM Day 2

Today I want to talk about a very special person in my life. He is my best friend, my true love, and a great support in life. Of course I am talking about my husband. Does that surprise you? I met him in July of 2005 at EFY. This man has been there for me ever since. He has helped me through so much and is the one person that I can say absolutely anything to. He isn't always romantic or mushy, but that just makes it even more special when he is. He is my eternal companion and I am so very glad that I sat next to him that day at EFY. He proposed to me on Sunday, October 4 2009 and we were married and sealed for time and all eternity on March 6 2010. He is the best thing that has ever happened to me. I can not believe how lucky I am to have such an amazing person in my life. I know this is short, but hopefully it is sweet as well. I hope that everyone gets the opportunity to find someone who makes them as happy as my husband makes me.

Feel the love month

I have decided that every day this month, I will post a blog about a friend (or family member) that means something very special to me. I got this idea while asking a friend when we could get together. It really hit me that I always talk about my husband and God and how grateful I am to the people in my life, but I never really talk about anyone in specific. I am going to declare October as Feel The Love Month. I am going to talk about TWO very special people today. The first person is my sister Tabitha. I have only hung out with her once and have only know for just under a year; However, it's just like we have grown up together. We talk about the craziest things, send each other the most random pictures, and are there for each other no matter what happens. I love my sister very much. I know she loves me too. The past few days we have talked everyday. She sends me a good morning message and we talk about the craziest things. I have never had a sister (a blood sister). Or I did, I just didn't grow up with a sister. I have to say, it is such a blessing to have a sister. Especially one like Tabitha. She is very talented and very beautiful and just everything I imagined my sister to be. I am so very lucky to have her in my life. Just know, that even though we didn't grow up together, if ANYONE hurts her, I will not hesitate to defend her. Oh yeah, and she is a great singer! I love when she posts videos of her singing. It brightens my day!
The second person I want to talk about is my friend Alannah. She is such a strong person. She went through some pretty tough trials and is still coming out on top. She always manages to make me laugh on Instagram. She helped me out when I needed clothes (the first time I lost a bunch of weight), she talked to me when I worked for her mom, AND she likes Hockey! What?!?! She introduced me to Duck Dynasty. If you haven't seen it, watch it. She is a truly great person and is filled with so much love. She is a beautiful daughter of God and I am very blessed to call her my friend. She will be such a wonderful mother to her precious baby girl.
These two women have done so much for me without even realizing it and without expecting anything in return. They are both very wonderful, talented, beautiful, daughters of God. I am so very blessed to have them both in my life.

A tribute to Rusty

From our Uncle Mike: On this date, one year ago today, a life was senselessly taken, and countless others changed forever. A good and decent person was stolen by a careless driver at Ft. Bragg. Rusty, you are so loved, and so missed by so many. I love you.
Uncle Mike

I remember Rusty always enjoying what he got, and even from a very young age, knowing and proudly telling anyone who would listen the true meaning of the holiday. Always helping with decorations, and alwsys wanting to give his money to charities(salvation army bell ringers and such). Even was a bell ringer as a teen. Never saw a kid so fulfilled and happy from helping others.

I take great pride in the fact that I and Mom raised Rusty. I dare say that no one knew him better than I. He was, and is, an amazing example of how a person should conduct their life. To try and describe him with any number of words is an insult to the person he is. He positively impacted so many lives and negatively impacted not a single one. All who were fortunate enough to have met him will always be blessed. He truly is an angel sent to walk among us for a tragically short time. My hope, Amy Lynn, is that you and I can make time so that I can help you to know what a wonderful brother you sadly never got to meet. God bless you.

From Christopher Rodney Craig: May God bless you and keep you my friend on this day of memory and memorial for Rusty. I pray you will do beautiful thing in his name, not just today, but for years to come. Rusty had a consistent kind spirit, he encouraged all he encountered with his way of seeing the best of who people were. In the years I knew him at church his kind ..slow southern greeting...during Passing of the peace, consistently had his grandmother and the congregation smiling and saying "what a polite young man that Rusty is!" 

Though this a hard day with different memories of a life taken too soon, I also hope is a --blessed day-- for both you and all those who knew and loved Rusty. Blessed day-- because now in his memory people might do random acts of kindness. ..trying to see the best in people, finding ways to love others unconditionally. ..maybe even creating projects which follow Rusty's example.

Mike, blessing and peace this day.
To all others who remember Rusty this day, my prayers and joyful anticipation await to see the beautiful deeds done in Rustys name.

From our Second Cousin, Carol: 

I remember my oldest son David spent a summer together with Rusty and they had the best time. He never spoke an unkind word to or about anyone. His grandma Mary was my mothers sister. I hope one day we can meet and get to know each other. I hope this helps a little.

From David Whitlock: I did spend the summer with Mary, Mike, and Rusty. I had a great time with them. I'll remember the places that we went, such as Busch Gardens and The Science Center. I went on my very first roller coaster ride with Rusty right by my side.  I was scared senseless. lol Rusty was a good guy, and I hate that I didn't get to know him better than I did. I'm sure that we would have been good friends. He will be truely missed and never forgotten!

From our dad: I will keep this as short as possible...

One year ago today, PFC Charles "Rusty" Wills was taken from us. He is my youngest son. He was killed by a hit-and-run driver near Fort Bragg, N.C. while riding in a convoy to a field training exercise. The driver of the offending vehicle has not been caught.
I would rather spend my time telling the world what a great kid Rusty was. Smart beyond his years and education and very generous. My heart breaks every single day thinking of what the world is missing out on. I continue to struggle to make sense of it all and to make something positive come out of this. But I SHALL persevere.
Please keep Rusty's sisters and brothers in your thoughts today, as I know hard it is for them. They would appreciate it, as would I. We will make it through the day as we have made it through the past year.
Finally, to those that have been there and supported me and mine through the past year, you will never be forgotten. I, on behalf of my family and myself, will always remember every act of kindness and every kind word. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Dear Rusty,

            The above are some tributes and kind words from family and friends. One year ago today, you were taken from this mortal life. One month and a half later, my Aunt was helping me to find you. She found your obituary. I prayed and prayed that it was a different Charles Wills. I called my mom (Ruth) and told her what was found. She confirmed the worst. I bawled my eyes out. I have loved you all of my remembered life. Sometimes I even talked to you in hopes that God would carry the message to you. I still do. My mom and dad always made sure to tell James Michael and me that you were out there. I was crushed to know that you were gone before I ever got the chance to know you. The only thing that helps to ease the pain is, knowing that it was YOU who lead my Aunt to your obituary. It was YOU who lead me to our family. It was YOU who helped them to accept me, and it was YOU who helped me to establish a relationship with them. It takes everything in me to not get angry at the person who caused your accident though. It takes everything in me not to scream out towards heaven “Why him? Why now?” I do my best to hold on. I do my best to keep my head on straight. I do everything I can to comfort Tabby. I try so hard to make up for what she lost. I know I can’t, but I try. I want you to know that I am taking good care of her, as a sibling should. I also want you to know that your friends and family are speaking of you. They are keeping your goodness and your kindness alive. Dad (Charles) told me today that you wouldn’t want me to cry, that you would want me to celebrate your life, and that you love me. I believe him. When he was telling me that, I could feel you. This might seem strange, but it was like you were right there, helping me to listen to our Father, and to take his words seriously. It was like you were letting me lean on your shoulder. It was like you were telling me that our relationship is not lost just because you aren’t here. I will get to know you in Heaven. I will get to stand with you at Jesus feet, and Heavenly Father will reward us for our patience. I will get to hug you and talk to you face to face. I will get to introduce you to the family that raised me and to your (future) nieces and nephews. I may not get to celebrate knowing you on this Earth, but today, and every day for the rest of my life, I will celebrate God for giving me the opportunity to meet you again someday. I love you so much. I will see you again someday, until then; I will continue talking to you. I will continue hoping that God will deliver the message to you, and I will continue looking forward to seeing you again.

Some people say I'm crazy, but I don't care.

I know that I can feel you over my shoulder there.

When I was told of your passing

I couldn't help but to start asking,

Why was it him? Why at this time?

But life can be taken without reason or rhyme

I want you to know that you are here in my heart

I want you to know that, of me, you'll always be a part

I see you in all the beautiful things

but especially in butterfly wings

When they land on my shoulder, or even just fly by

I always stop what I'm doing and whisper "Rusty! Hi!"

I may not have known you as well as some

But I know I will when my day comes.

I talk to you often and I try to be tough

But you are my brother, and sometimes it's rough

We all still hurt, and we all still cry,

To say that we don't would be a lie.

But we all know, we'll be together someday

That eases the pain and washes our tears away.

Your life was amazing and I try to remember that.

Your love and kindness lives on. That is a fact.

You are missed so dearly but as they say,

I will see you again in Heaven someday.

Truly blessed

Today, I got a call that showed me just how truly blessed I am. As you know, this month is the anniversary of my brother, Rusty's death. It's been a little hard for me to cope. I keep telling myself, 'If I had only found them sooner, I would have gotten to know him'. And there are days that I feel like I really screwed it up. This past week has been a real eye opener for me. I gave a talk at church that was based somewhat on service. While preparing my talk, I realized just how much service I received after I broke my leg, and after both surgeries. Suddenly, things were a bit brighter. After my talk, several people came up to me to tell me how wonderful my talk was. Things got a little brighter. My brother in law came over Monday to pick up his dog, and we talked for a bit. Things got a little brighter. I went to Dr. Garcia to start my weight loss plan and change of lifestyle. I was told that I am healthy and on the right track and mindset. A prayer was answered. Things got a little brighter. Last night, in the limbo between sleep and alertness, I heard a terrifying voice from my past calling my name. I freaked out and start sobbing. My husband was right there. He stroked my hair until I was awake enough to realize that this person couldn't hurt me. Things got a little brighter. I talked to my dad this morning and got his approval to do my brothers work. Things got a little brighter. By the time I got this call, I was thinking that I might be able to make it through this anniversary without melting down. So, this call came. I was walking in my door from going shopping with my mother in law (who has been an excellent support through this). My phone was ringing. I picked it up. The voice on the other end said,'This is Miss Grace (name changed for those who I don't know that read this blog). We got the approval through the school board to hire you. Would you be able to come in tomorrow so we can get started on your background check and your fingerprints?' It was all I could do not to start crying right then. I was shaking and dropped my phone, causing me to accidentally hang up on her. Keep in mind, this is the school Princess goes to, so I really wanted to work here. I immediately said yes and called Princesses mom. Then my mom. Then my husband. Then I posted it on Facebook. The overwhelming support I have gotten from my family and friends is enough to make me start crying again. I know I am very emotional. I feel like this is Gods way of saying, 'Yes you do not have your brother on earth right now, but look at all the things you do have. You are not alone. You are loved and cared for.' I have been praying for comfort for a very long time now. My Heavenly Father has answered my prayers. I just want to share that with everyone I love!